THE BOLES BOYS STORY

Once upon a time there was a private high school located in Jacksonville, Florida named The Boles Academy. This High School was noted for regularly fielding very competitive teams in all sports, but particularly in football. One year the Boles football team was so talented that they had seven (yes, I said seven) future Div. I college football players in the Senior class alone.

Needless to say, almost every college in America was camped out on the doorstep of The Boles Academy trying to persuade these college prospects to sign with their program. One wannabe football program, called Bammer, decided they wanted in on the action too. However, none of the superstar players were even remotely interested attending a redneck college in Tuscaloosa, Alabama.

The Bammer head coach, Mike Dumbose, was perplexed. How might he convince some of these players to attend Bammer? (note: This was only Coach Dumboseís first year as Bammer head coach and he didnít learn that he had pay recruits to attend Bammer until his second year). Anyway, Dumbose hatched up a plan. He decided to offer a scholarship to Chris Reier, the smallish QB on the Boles team.

Reier was a feisty athlete who performed very well as a high school QB. However, he was a little on the small side to be a college QB, and his best sport was definitely baseball. Dumbose knew that Reier really didnít have as much potential to make it in Div. I football as the other Boles stars, but he felt that if he could sign Reier, that maybe some of the other Boles prospects (who were friends with Reier) could be swayed into signing with Bammer.

Dumbose also knew that Reierís brother was a Bammer graduate and a popular sports talk celebrity in Jacksonville which would help spark even more interest in Bammer among the Boles boys. So Dumbose (putting his best used car salesman tactics to use) promised Reier that if he could sign with Bammer, that he would be a star, that he could be a starting CB, and also that he could have the desirous #2 jersey at Bammer. Of course, we all know that Dumbose was just rehearsing for his role in the movie, "Liar, Liar" with this load of crap.

There was only one condition; however, and that was that Reier had to talk some of his superstar friends into also signing with Bammer. Reier was able to talk his best friend and all-state LB, Travis Carroll, into also signing with Bammer. In addition, he also succeeded in getting Sam Matthews, the top DL in Florida, to sign up. Basically, the rest of the Boles players had too much sense to believe all of Dumboseís B.S., and they all signed with other, more reputable, universities.

Well things were going along just great, UNTIL Reier actually got to Bammer. Once there, he soon realized what a load of crap heíd been shoveled. The #2 jersey heíd been promised, suddenly became #16. The "starting" CB job suddenly became "second string" and even later became "the bench" as future signees were promised his position. Heck, Dumbose didnít even give him a crimson colored jersey.

Reier eventually became fed up with all the lies, the lousy coaching, and the favoritism from the Bammer coaches. He tried to tell the Bammer fans what was happening on the team when he posted a message about it on a Bammer Internet site called Tider Incestor. Do you think the Bammer fans wanted to hear about problems at the Crapstone? Of course not! The TI Bammers put on their crimson colored glasses and actually lashed out at Reier. They turned on him big time and called him every name in the book (how soon they forget). Even though everything Reier said was later discovered to be true, the Bammers didnít want to believe any of it! In an instant, the gutsy little player from Boles had gone from golden haired boy to goat! Finally after putting up with the lies and B.S. for two years, Reier left Bammer and transferred to a small school to concentrate on Baseball.

Travis Carroll on the other hand, started at Bammer as middle LB his freshmen year. He was easily the best athlete on the field that year and some people were touting him as the savior of the Bammer defense. He was definitely the "man in the middle" for Bammer his Freshman year.

Unfortunately, in his second year, Carroll suffered suffered a serious shoulder injury and also an ankle injury. Carroll complained to coach Dumbose about all the pain he was in. However, coach Dumbose was losing more games than he was winning, so he was totally unsympathetic. Dumbose knew his job was on the line, and he basically told Carroll to shake it off and keep playing.

Well, Travis did keep playing. Even with a bum shoulder (that later turned out to be broken) and a severely sprained ankle, he played every in game and gave it his all. Unfortunately, due to his injuries, he was a step slow and unable to wrap up tackles. As a result, he quickly fell into Dumboseís doghouse. When Carroll complained again about his injuries, Dumbose had the Bammer team doctor check him out. Of course, in typical Bammer fashion, the team doctor diagnosed the shoulder injury as only a sprain.

So Carroll kept right on playing in pain. He gave it a real Herculean effort, but alas, the pain was just too much for him. Of course he got the same old song and dance from Dumbose whenever he complained about the pain.

Finally, the pain was just too much to stand. Carroll decided to go to a "real" doctor so he went to Auburnís famous orthopedic surgeon, who by taking a simple x-ray, determined that Carroll had had a fractured bone in his shoulder all this time.

Well, that was the last straw! Carroll decided to leave Bammer and attend Florida which was close to his home. You would have thought that under the circumstances, Bammer would have been jumping all over themselves to accommodate him. However, in typical Bammer fashion, Dumbose played hardball and would not grant Carroll a release to sign with Florida. On top of that, Bammer implied to the media that Carroll was a social misfit and was transferring because he did not have what it took to fit in at Bammer (all I have to say about that is that you can bet the farmers in Tuscaloosa are looking forward to a great crop this year with all the manure that is being slung around at Bammer).

And what ever happened to Sam Matthews you ask? Well Bammer took the top DL in Florida (and the 2nd best in the nation), and applying the collective genius of the Bammer coaching staff, promptly put him on the OL his first year. Now thatís great coaching! When that failed miserably (duh!), they moved him to DL his second year. This is his 3rd year, so let's see (following this logic), I guess he will be on special teams. Let me guessÖ.. he will be on the bench his senior year. Just another example of the great coaching at the Crapstone!

THE END

OR JUST THE BEGINNING?!?!?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

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